The Biggest Loser

Yeah, I know "The Biggest Loser" is a reality show weight lost contest and that Donald Trump's faux reality show is called "The Apprentice" or "Celebrity Apprentice," but it really should be changed, because truly, the only loser bigger than Trump could be Mitt Romney for actually accepting his endorsement today in Sin City.

LAS VEGAS - Donald Trump endorsed Mitt Romney here Thursday afternoon in a joint appearance that lasted less than seven minutes and included no questions.

The two men stood behind a lectern emblazoned with a gold “Trump” plaque (a large Romney sign hung off to the side, largely out of the TV shots), and the endorsement came amid several impromptu news conferences that Mr. Trump organized for himself.

It seems as though The Donald can't go less than three weeks without looking for headlines like his like depended on it; like the blood in his veins would dry up if he gave up his media whorishness.

It all started yesterday when Trump made a statement on his favorite medium, Twitter:

I will be making a major announcement today at 12:30 pm PST at Trump International Hotel & Tower, Las Vegas, Nevada. The announcement will pertain to the Presidential race. All media welcome.

All media welcome?! Say it ain't so!

At no point in my though process did the idea of Trump announcing an independent run come to mind. My initial thought was that he was going to endorse Romney but was too chickenshit take the lead and do it earlier because his ego wouldn't be able to handle betting on the wrong horse. He waited until after the Florida primary, saw that Newt Gingrich was dead in the water and then thought he'd make a grand announcement and take credit for being a king maker once the odds-on favorite eventually won the nomination.

Then there was rumor that Trump was to endorse Newt Gingrich, and it got me to thinking that perhaps his ego was so bruised after Newt was the only candidate to accept an invitation to the ill-fated Trump debate, that he'd back the one person who was loyal to him. But is loyalty in Trump's repertoire? That rumor quickly faded and so I was left with the chickenshit theory, which happened to be the correct one.

How ironic that the man who made "You're fired" his catchphrase endorsed the man who said he likes "being able to fire people"? The one saving grace in the whole fiasco was that on Groundhog Day, Trump decided to make the Romney endorsement himself instead of letting the groundhog that lives on his head do it.

Groundhog Day

According to Wikipedia:

"...The holiday, which began as a Pennsylvania German custom in southeastern and central Pennsylvania in the 18th and 19th centuries, has its origins in ancient European weather lore, wherein a badger or sacred bear is the prognosticator as opposed to a groundhog. The holiday also bears some similarities to the Christian holiday of the Presentation, or Candlemas, which takes place on the same date, the 40th day after Christmas (based on Luke 2:22 following), which has a number of light and darkness images in its observance. It also bears similarities to the Pagan festival of Imbolc, the seasonal turning point of the Celtic year, which is celebrated on February 1 and also involves weather prognostication.

...In western countries in the Northern Hemisphere the official first day of Spring is about six weeks after Groundhog Day, on March 20 or March 21. About 1,000 years ago, before the adoption of the Gregorian calendar when the date of the equinox drifted in the Julian calendar, the spring equinox fell on March 16 instead. This was exactly six weeks after February 2, assuming that the equinox marked the first day of spring in certain medieval cultures, as it does now in western countries, Groundhog Day occurred exactly six weeks before spring. Therefore, if the groundhog saw his shadow on Groundhog Day there would be six more weeks of winter. If he didn't, there would be 42 less days of winter. In other words, the Groundhog Day tradition may have begun as a bit of folk humor."

HAHAAAHAHAAA! That good ol' folksy humor!

According to my calendar, the first day of Spring is March 20th. That would be... six and a half weeks away. So Punxsutawney Phil and Shubenacadie Sam and Wiarton Willy and Octoraro Orphie can all go fuck their furry little asses off because there's ALWAYS six more weeks of winter! Actually six and a half weeks, but I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt on those extra couple of days because I don't think they have little groundhog calendars in the shitholes they call homes.

On a side note, Punxsutawney Phil gets all the credit while Staten Island Chuck and Dunkirk Dave did predict an early Spring this year. So it's time to share the wealth Phil, you greedy bastard.

Happy Groundhog Day

Click on the cartoon for some shadow dancing.