President Obama's Weekly Address - January 26, 2013

Two Nominees Who Will Fight for the American People

Phil Mickelson Shanks One

Possibly the worst shot of his career.

Mickelson instantly became the perfect example of the rich, out of touch, privileged white man when he complained about the amount of taxes he pays for the backbreaking work of playing a game dominated by rich, out of touch, privileged white men.

“Well, it’s been an interesting offseason, and I’m going to have to make some drastic changes,” said Mickelson, who lives with his wife and three children in Rancho Santa Fe, just north of San Diego. “And I’m not going to jump the gun and do it right away, but I will be making some drastic changes." 

... “If you add up all the federal and you look at the disability and the unemployment and the Social Security and the state, my tax rate is 62, 63 percent,” Mickelson said. “I’ve got to make some decisions on what I am going to do.”

Now if you're a golf enthusiast I'll stop here before you think I'm maligning the game. I'm not. I play golf. I wouldn't call myself a "golfer" for the same reason I wouldn't call myself a basketball player, because I suck at it, but being the masochist I am, I love the game and even enjoy watching professionals on the television apparatus. But I don't delude myself into thinking that this game is for Everyman. It's expensive, time consuming and needs constant practice to even begin to get better at the game, let alone excel. The average person who has the opportunity to play once a week will most normally be a below average golfer. The person who plays once a month or less will suck. The person who can't play but 3 or 4 times a season because he's too busy WORKING will really suck. That's me.

And that's where Mickelson comes in. There's no doubt that the man is a great talent. He's a multiple Major winner, has a beautiful wife who has survived breast cancer and three gorgeous kids. He's paid millions to play a game. He's living the American dream, right? But he clearly has no clue of what goes on outside his little, wealthy bubble.

According to Forbes, Phil Mickelson's net worth is $180 million. He made $48 million last year. Over $40 million of that came in endorsements. FORTY. MILLION. DOLLARS. Just to plaster his face on some product. The other $8 million I assume from actually doing his "job."

Let's put this in perspective. The average person in America making $60,000 a year would have to work 800 years to make what Michelson made last year. But wait, that includes endorsements, something the average person doesn't do - the average person in America making $60,000 a year would have to work 133 years -  52 weeks a year - to earn what Mickelson made actually doing his "job" working about 30 weeks a year.

Phil Mickelson needs to have a 3-wood shoved up his ass to even begin to understand the pain that people who live paycheck to paycheck go through every single day of their lives, while he travels all over the world on private jets week to week to play a game. And he doesn't even have to carry his clubs.

He's had the luxury of living in California and voting with others for tax cut referendum after tax cut referendum, putting the state in a huge financial hole in the process. And now that the people of the state voted to temporarily raise taxes to alleviate their budget woes, Phil cries foul. Poor, poor millionaire.

Phil has quickly realized what a douchebag he sounded like and issued an apology. Sort of.

"Finances and taxes are a personal matter, and I should not have made my opinions on them public,” Mickelson said in a statement released Monday night. “I apologize to those I have upset or insulted, and assure you I intend not to let it happen again.” 

 So he's not apologizing for what he said, he's just sorry he said it in public.

Here's my advice to Mickelson:

1 - When Joe Average is paying their hard earned money to see you play golf, complaining that you can't be part owner of the fucking San Diego Padres comes off as more than a little elitist. You obviously watched Mitt Romney too much during his campaign and didn't learn anything from it.

2 - If you don't want to pay taxes in a certain state, then fine. Move. You have that luxury and aren't bound to one location because of your "job." But keep your fucking mouth shut. Lots of other golfers live in Florida and Texas with low or no state taxes. But they didn't sit under a neon sign that said, "Millionaires Taxes Too Much! Now I  can't buy a Major League baseball team! Whaaaaa!!!"

3 - Get a new financial planner because if you're paying 62-63% in taxes you are either A) getting ripped off by your money men or B) a lair.

President Obama's Second Inaugural Address

January 21, 2013



Arguably the best part of the address:

"It is now our generation’s task to carry on what those pioneers began, for our journey is not complete until our wives, our mothers and daughters can earn a living equal to their efforts. Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law, for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal, as well. Our journey is not complete until no citizen is forced to wait for hours to exercise the right to vote. Our journey is not complete until we find a better way to welcome the striving, hopeful immigrants who still see America as a land of opportunity, until bright young students and engineers are enlisted in our workforce rather than expelled from our country. Our journey is not complete until all our children, from the streets of Detroit to the hills of Appalachia to the quiet lanes of Newtown, know that they are cared for and cherished and always safe from harm."

The distant popping sounds you heard during the address were thousands upon thousands of wingnuts' heads exploding all across the country.

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