The Thirty Percenters

Every time I see Curious George walking on the White House lawn waving as he exits his helicopter, I wonder, who is he waving to? What person in their right mind would stop and wait for a glimpse of Chimpy during their trip to DC? You never see these people on camera. My guess is that they are either protesters, although they'd probably be arrested, or that people are sitting there and staring, much like someone at a hideous car accident from which you can't look away. They just stand there and can't believe that this clown is the leader of the free world.

But lately, as a new Newsweek poll shows Bush's approval rating at an all time low of 28%, I think not of the 72% of the people who disagree with President Half Wit, but of the 28% that think he's doing a good job; the 28% who approve of his job performance. Who are these people? Sad to say, I think about this every day. Every... single...day. And it really starts wearing me down. It starts to frighten me when I walk into a room and I can tell just by scanning the room that I'm probably in the top 10% when it comes to intelligence. Me... top 10%. ... Jesus...

Still, where do these people come from? And how do they come to the conclusion that Chimp in Charge is doing so well as to receive their approval. Then (courtesy of Mike Malloy) I came across this letter to the editor of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. I know, I know, it's Arkansas, but Arkansans are people too, some of whom think Bushie is doing a great job. (Perhaps I should call them Arkansites for a religious twist.)

Anyway here's the letter:

Daylight Exacerbates Warning

You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two. This should come as no surprise to any reasonable person.
As you know, Daylight Saving Time started almost a month early this year. You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate. Or did they ?
Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far-reaching effects.

CONNIE M. MESKIMEN / Hot Springs

Oh, Connie, Connie... you know what? You're right. You caught us red-handed. We know global warming is a fluke, but can't just sit here with pie on our faces making Al Gore look bad and not have a cause, so we secretly petitioned the Democrats in Congress to extend the day by one hour, making it a 25 hour day. This extra hour is wreaking havoc on our temperatures and causing massive climate change and extreme weather conditions across the US. The rest of the world, however, remains unaffected because they do not choose to use daylight savings time. It's all a liberal political plot.

Mike Malloy's musings on Connie were that she was probably a Republican Election Committee member in her community, went to church every Sunday and perhaps thinks that liberals are spawn of the devil and eat fetuses.

But there they are, the thirty percenters. These are the people at the shallow end of the gene pool that we must deal with, and overcome at every election for their own good, whether they know it or not. The worst part of it all is that George W. Bush is one of them.

UPDATE (5/11/07)

Snopes.com, a website dedicated to urban legends and things of a dubinking nature, has pointed out that although MISTER Meskimen's letter to the editor is authentic, Meskimen is indeed a Little Rock lawyer who has a penchant for writing sarcastic, "tongue-in-cheek" letters, and that it was not intended to be taken seriously. He is now getting barraged with phone calls by helpful people who want to help him understand how Daylight Savings Time works. Good for you, Connie!

A word of advice for Mr. Meskimen: if you plan on writing a letter of this nature, the satire needed to show that you are indeed trying to make a valid point needs to be way over the top for it to be received as satire, sarcasm or tongue-in-cheek. But as a friend pointed out, he supposes you are so smart and were so subtle in your sarcasm that it actually backfired and blew up in your face.
Oh, and maybe you should use a nom de plume so your law firm doesn't get inundated with calls to correct you on your oh so subtle, humorous letter.

By the way, I believe that this new finding does not discredit my previous opinion of the thirty percenters. I'm just guessing that most of them can't write.