Friday, May 11, 2007

Gravel: Tell the Truth

Democratic candidate and real maverick Mike Gravel was interviewed by about his role in the debates, the election process and how he'll win the election: by telling the American people the truth.

GRAVEL: Truth for America is that we think that we’re so much better than anyone else in the world, and we’re not. We’re no better than anybody else in the world. The truth is, we squander our wealth on the military-industrial complex for a defense that is totally inadequate. The truth is that 30 percent of our children do not graduate from high school. The truth is that one-fifth of the nation is functionally illiterate and in Washington, D.C., it’s 36 percent. I could go on. The truth is, there’s only two industrialized nations in the world that do not have healthcare for all their people. One is the United States, and the other is South Africa.

These are the things that have to be told.

Ken Levine: I'm Sorry George, We're Going to Have to Let You Go

Levine's blog post on Huffington Post is a good read. Here's part of it:

So Chris Albrecht, who guided HBO to its current place of prominence, has been fired as a result of his altercation with his girlfriend this weekend in Las Vegas. David Neeleman, the founder of JetBlue was removed as president, taking the fall for the February tarmac debacle.

And yet, George Bush remains in office.

Albrecht and Neeleman built stellar empires on solid management, vision, and public trust. Bush has destroyed a nation, plunged the world into a reign of fear and terror, and looked the other way as the eroding environment jeopardizes the planet for future generations. I mean, really, how bad does he have to fuck up?

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

The Joke Writes Itself

A story to inspire indeed. My friend and blogger, ArmadilloJoe, brought this to my attention. KUTV in Salt Lake City did a human interest story on Brigham Larkin, a 17 year old boy who dresses like Bush, sings the National Anthem every day in front of his bathroom mirror, and collects ties similar to what Bush wears when Larkin sees him on TV. George Bush is his hero. Larkin wants to be president some day.

Oh yeah, Larkin has Down Syndrome.

I don't mean to be cruel here. I am in no way trying to poke fun at Larkin, but it really is a shame that Bush was and is president during Larkin's formative years. I don't hesitate to think that any president would probably have had the same effect on Larkin. It's too bad his hero is such a rat bastard and the kid doesn't even realize it.

But don't just read the article, take a look at the video. The newscasters are gushing over Larkin like he's a Cabbage Patch Kid. He's a human being for Christ's sake, but they all sound as if they're goo-gooing over a baby or a monkey performing parlor tricks.

The good news for Larkin is now that we've seen Curious George in action, it wouldn't be a far stretch for him to actually run for the GOP nomination and have a realistic shot at winning. President Half-Wit has opened the door and now we can truly say anyone can grow up to be president. Although what might hinder Larkin more than his mental challenge is his Mormon religious beliefs.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

The Thirty Percenters

Every time I see Curious George walking on the White House lawn waving as he exits his helicopter, I wonder, who is he waving to? What person in their right mind would stop and wait for a glimpse of Chimpy during their trip to DC? You never see these people on camera. My guess is that they are either protesters, although they'd probably be arrested, or that people are sitting there and staring, much like someone at a hideous car accident from which you can't look away. They just stand there and can't believe that this clown is the leader of the free world.

But lately, as a new
Newsweek poll shows Bush's approval rating at an all time low of 28%, I think not of the 72% of the people who disagree with President Half Wit, but of the 28% that think he's doing a good job; the 28% who approve of his job performance. Who are these people? Sad to say, I think about this every day. Every... And it really starts wearing me down. It starts to frighten me when I walk into a room and I can tell just by scanning the room that I'm probably in the top 10% when it comes to intelligence. Me... top 10%. ... Jesus...

Still, where do these people come from? And how do they come to the conclusion that Chimp in Charge is doing so well as to receive their approval. Then (courtesy of Mike Malloy) I came across this letter to the editor of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. I know, I know, it's Arkansas, but Arkansans are people too, some of whom think Bushie is doing a great job. (Perhaps I should call them Arkansites for a religious twist.)

Anyway here's the letter:

Daylight Exacerbates Warning

You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two. This should come as no surprise to any reasonable person.
As you know, Daylight Saving Time started almost a month early this year. You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate. Or did they ?
Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far-reaching effects.


Oh, Connie, Connie... you know what? You're right. You caught us red-handed. We know global warming is a fluke, but can't just sit here with pie on our faces making Al Gore look bad and not have a cause, so we secretly petitioned the Democrats in Congress to extend the day by one hour, making it a 25 hour day. This extra hour is wreaking havoc on our temperatures and causing massive climate change and extreme weather conditions across the US. The rest of the world, however, remains unaffected because they do not choose to use daylight savings time. It's all a liberal political plot.

Mike Malloy's musings on Connie were that she was probably a Republican Election Committee member in her community, went to church every Sunday and perhaps thinks that liberals are spawn of the devil and eat fetuses.

But there they are, the thirty percenters. These are the people at the shallow end of the gene pool that we must deal with, and overcome at every election for their own good, whether they know it or not. The worst part of it all is that George W. Bush is one of them.

UPDATE (5/11/07), a website dedicated to urban legends and things of a dubinking nature, has pointed out that although MISTER Meskimen's letter to the editor is authentic, Meskimen is indeed a Little Rock lawyer who has a penchant for writing sarcastic, "tongue-in-cheek" letters, and that it was not intended to be taken seriously. He is now getting barraged with phone calls by helpful people who want to help him understand how Daylight Savings Time works. Good for you, Connie!

A word of advice for Mr. Meskimen: if you plan on writing a letter of this nature, the satire needed to show that you are indeed trying to make a valid point needs to be way over the top for it to be received as satire, sarcasm or tongue-in-cheek. But as a friend pointed out, he supposes you are so smart and were so subtle in your sarcasm that it actually backfired and blew up in your face.
Oh, and maybe you should use a nom de plume so your law firm doesn't get inundated with calls to correct you on your oh so subtle, humorous letter.

By the way, I believe that this new finding does not discredit my previous opinion of the thirty percenters. I'm just guessing that most of them can't write.