Petraeus Faints at McCain's Stupidity

Testifying before the Senate Armed Services Committee, General David Petraeus apparently passed out after answering questions asked by Senator John "Loser 2008" McCain. According to witnesses, it wasn't so much the line of questioning about the war in Afghanistan that caused the commander of the U.S. Central Command to faint, but rather the stupidity of McCain's hackneyed "path to success/arbitrary deadline" talking points that he's been regurgitating since his failed presidential campaign over 18 months ago.

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Several witnesses close to Petraeus heard him mumble of McCain's statements, "Oh, not this bullshit again" just before passing out. A source close to Petraeus noted that the General would do anything in order to get McCain to "shut the fuck up." "He's seen some pretty fucked up shit in his years of war, but anything McCain says is just too much to bear" said the source.

When McCain stopped his diatribe in mid-sentence, ranking Chairman Senator Carl Levin assumed that McCain has shit his diaper again as he had in so many other prior occasions and called for the Capitol Cleaning Crew. An amendment to replace McCain's chair on the bench with a toilet has been stalled due to the latest Republican filibuster on financial reform.