Current GOP Incapable of Being Satirized?

A casualty of Poe's Law. I admit I'm a bit embarrassed... but can you blame me?

I was surfing through the Twittersphere... (Twitterverse?) this morning and came across an article that took my breath away. In an attempt to win the endorsement of an Evansville newspaper, Republican candidate Richard "Rape Pregnancy is a Gift from God" Mourdock, went on at considerable length about his stance on pregnancies that occur as a result of rape, how rape victims should have prayed harder, how scientific studies show that a woman is less likely to get raped if she prays before a big date, and how people who aren't "right with God" have a stronger chance of finding themselves in those undesirable situations, among other things.

I was outraged. I immediately retweeted with my own added comment: "Unvelievable! Will Mitt still support this nut after this?!" I added it to my Facebook page: "Eagerly awaiting a statement from Mitt Romney about this. Anything other than a complete repudiation and withdrawal of support from Richard Mourdock after these fantastical comments is a complete fail for Romney and should disqualify him from any chance of elected office, especially the Presidency." I was livid!

...Ahem... I was then informed a bit later that the piece (from the Daily Currant) was satirical. I suppose the comments were really fantastical after all. Not knowing that The Daily Currant is a satirical website, I became a victim of Poe's Law. I then sent out tweets and status updates informing everyone of my mistake. But with the current mindset of the Republican Party, can you blame me for believing it?

It was not a far cry for me to believe that Mourdock would say such things after his "God intended" rape pregnancy comment. Perhaps the "rape halo" section of the piece should have given away the satire, but is that a far cry from Georgia Rep. Paul Broun's comments that "evolution, embryology, the Big Bang theory" are "lies straight from the pit of hell"? By the way, Broun, who believes the Earth is 9,000 years old because the Bible says so, is on the House Science, Space and Technology Committee. THE SCIENCE COMMITTEE!!!

You can understand my mistake when Missouri Republican Senate candidate Todd Akin makes a statement about "legitimate rape" and women's bodies having "ways to shut that thing down." That "thing" being pregnancy from a rape, you know because... science and sorcery!

You can understand my mistake when Rep. Steve King (R-Douchelandia) says he's personally never heard of a child becoming pregnant due to a rape or incest, which is completely believable when you consider he co-sponsored a bill, along with Akin and GOP Veep candidate Paul Ryan in 2011, originally calling for an exemption in the federal ban on abortion funding only in the case of “forcible rape.” Yes, forcible rape, as opposed to consentual rape because no means no, but does it really?

When over 30% of Republicans still believe that President Obama is Muslim (a higher percentage than in 2008), when 63% of Republicans still believe that Iraq had WMD to this day, long after the invasion of 2003 and long after the facts have shown otherwise, when a majority of Republicans have fallen for the Birther conspiracy and still believe that President Obama was born in another country despite all evidence to the contrary, trying to satirize a GOP member who has already said something ridiculous is an almost insurmountable task. Just ask Roger Simon.

My point is this: with all the lunacy that's been uttered on an almost daily basis by the Fox "News" network and conservative radio hosts led by Rush Limbaugh, and swallowed hook, line and sinker by this new species of "Republican," it's really getting harder and harder to differentiate the truth from satire. And when a political party is incapable of being satirized it makes for a very sad state of affairs for the future of said party when an outrageous joke can be mistaken for the truth.

(Cross-posted on ABLC)

Donald Trump: Media Whore

Why can't these sad sack, irrational Birthers get over it?

Donald Trump, who went full Birther and hence became an official laughingstock for more than just the beaver that lives on his head, can't stand the idea of being out of the spotlight for very long. He can't live with the fact that he had to sit there and take a shellacking from President Obama at the 2011 White  House Correspondents' Dinner. But there he sat with egg on his face and after more than a year, he can take it no longer.

So The Donald has glommed on to yet another Obama conspiracy theory, this one involving the President's school records. He wants the world (and all the racist scumbags out there) to know that there's no possible way the President could have gotten where he has without affirmative action. That he didn't deserve to go to Occidental. Or Columbia. Or Harvard. That he wasn't intelligent enough to become President of the Harvard Law Review. And how does he intend to prove it? By trying to force President Obama's hand with money.

Trump has been trumpeting a "big announcement" this week, you know because it all has to be out in the open - it has nothing to do with seeing his name in the papers or being interviewed on the local news, or trying to inject himself into the presidential race from which he was rejected by the Republican electorate.

Donald Trump has offered $5 million to any charity of President Obama's choice IF he "agrees to give all of his college records and applications and if he provides all of his passport records and applications..." 

That's such an awesome deal, isn't it? If the President says yes, Donald Trump can then call all the documents forgeries, gin up another Manchurian Candidate conspiracy theory while writing off $5 million from his taxes. Everybody wins! Or Trump can just turn around and say the documents weren't to his satisfaction and not bother ponying up the dough. I mean, it's not like that man has shown to have any principles, morals, or integrity, right?

But he'll still win his little two weeks of news coverage because at the very least, Fox News will wonder why Obama doesn't take such an easy offer. He must be hiding something!

I seriously can't want for this election cycle to be over so we can get a break after the morons crawl back under their rocks for another 18 months.

Attention, Donald Trump...

...if you have questions about President Obama's place of birth, then by definition, you are a Birther. Trying to qualify it is nonsense.

"A lot of people are questioning his birth certificate," Trump said on CNBC on Tuesday. "They're questioning the authenticity of his birth certificate." 

"I've been known as being a very smart guy for a long time. I don't consider myself birther or not birther but there are some major questions here and the press doesn't want to cover it," he said.

Douchenozzle.


ADDING...

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Look! A Sane Republican Candidate!

If he had any shot of gaining in the polls, speaking the truth blew it.

Jon Huntsman made one thing abundantly clear after a campaign stop in Portsmouth on Friday – he has no doubt that Barack Obama was born in America.

"The president was born in the United States – end of conversation," Huntsman said.

It's a shame he's polling at 11% in the state in which he's been putting all his eggs.

Romney Son A Birther?

They just won't let it go.

Appearing in New Hampshire as a surrogate for his father, Matt Romney suggested to a group of voters that Mitt Romney would not release his tax returns until Barack Obama released “his grades and his birth certificate."

[Responding to the question of whether Mitt Romney will release his tax returns, Matt Romney said,] "He has not said that he will not do it. He has also not said that he will. It’s a matter of time until that issue comes up because I think everyone has to get a chance to do that. So I don’t know the answer to that. I’m not sure he knows the answer to that. But he will do everything that he needs to do. He’s certainly not afraid of anything. Hiding anything. I heard someone suggest the other day that as soon as President Obama releases his grades and birth certificate and sort of a long list of things then maybe he’d do it."

Where do I begin?

1- President Obama has released his birth certificate.

2- If he's going to represent his father, Matt Romney should know what his father said regarding the release of his tax returns just last week.

“I will provide all the financial info, which is an extraordinary pile of documents which show investments and so forth.”

“But you won’t do the tax returns?” asked Chuck Todd, host of “The Daily Rundown.”

“I don’t intend to release the tax returns. I don’t,” Mr. Romney responded.

3- Nothing will sink a national campaign faster than giving any credence to Birtherism. Even your dad thinks it's silly, Matt.

And now, as I write this post that I haven't had time to publish yet, Matt Romney has already apologized for his comment, albeit via Twitter:

One of Mitt Romney's sons is expressing regret for a joke about President Obama's birth certificate.

"I repeated a dumb joke," Matt Romney tweeted today. "My bad."

I suppose the Romney campaign has no tolerance for idiotic talk... just your average flip-flopping.

Rick Perry Has Blown a Gasket

Remember a couple of months ago when the next Coming for the Republican Party was Texas Governor Rick Perry? Remember when he was leading in the polls when compared to other GOP primary nominees before he ever entered the race? There was only one little hurdle - and the basic flaw in the future President Perry plan: he had to open his mouth.

The more I listened to Rick Perry in the two debates that I could stomach (and watching highlights from the rest) the more he reminded me of George W. Bush, but without the eloquence. And the more he spoke, the more he sank in the polls. And now in a desperate attempt to rebound from a dismal 6% approval in the latest CBS/New York Times poll of GOP presidential hopefuls, he has decided to pull the Birther card.

After having dinner with The Birther King Donald Trump, Rick Perry decided that it was either A) advantageous for him to jump on the Birther bandwagon to garner some fringe freak support, or B) he really believes the tinfoil hat notion that President Obama is illegitimate because he's not an American born citizen but instead, a Kenyan born, secret Muslim Manchurian candidate.

Now, Perry may be dumb as a rock with 'Niggerhead' scrawled on it, but he ain't stupid, and he proved it while admitting to journalist John Harwood that all this birther talk is really just a distraction:

“I’m really not worried about the president’s birth certificate. It’s fun to poke at him a little bit, say, 'Hey, let’s see your grades and your birth certificate.'”

So he's pretty much laying it out that he knows the Birther thing is all bullshit, yet he stops short of admitting it's a load of crap for political expediency. But that's not all Perry's doing to remove the cement shoes from his feet after jumping into the GOP primary pool. Seeing the meteoric rise of fellow charlatan Herman Cain* the more he repeats his 999 Plan, Perry has decided to announce a tax reform plan of his own. A flat tax. But just one look at Perry's plan and anyone can tell it makes absolutely no sense.

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Perhaps if Perry repeated his plan as the "Flat, Flat, Flat Plan" it would catch on like Cain's.  And it would be easy for him to remember. The tax is flat. Like the earth if flat. And his head is flat.

Martin Bashir puts things in perspective:

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Sorry, Rick. The Birther ship sailed six months ago with the Donald Trump flameout. You should have been paying attention instead of eating popcorn while sitting in the front row of your latest Texas execution.
________________________
*This bears repeating: "The meteoric rise" of Herman. Fucking. Cain. Republican voters hate Mitt Romney so much, they'd prefer to live in Bizarro World with Herman Cain than actually have a legitimate shot at having a nominee who might give President Obama a little trouble.

Stupidity Epidemic

Question 23 in the latest PPP poll for Iowa Republicans:

Q23 Do you think Barack Obama was born in the United States?
Yes..........26%
No...........48%
Not sure...26%

Seventy-four percent, SEVENTY-FOUR PERCENT, either don't believe or are unsure President Obama was born in the United States. That's a whole stateful of stupid.

ADDING... The same poll defines 77% of the poll takers as somewhat or very conservative.

Trump: Stephanopoulos Co-opted by "Obama and His Minions"

STEPHANOPOULOS! This is the way you deal with the Trump birther issue while interviewing him. Challenge him on his outrageous statements, switch the burden of proof to Trump since Obama has already proven his, and make Trump look like the fool that he is.



Seriously, Trump? I'll release my tax returns when Obama releases his birth certificate? Well, we're waiting because he has done so. And this mook is leading in the GOP polls. Amazing. I don't know if that shows the sorry state of the Republican players in the field or exposes the incredible idiocy of poll taking Republicans voters.

Trump's Foreign Policy: Take The Oil

This is truly amazing. With all the Donald Trump birther nonsense, I've not heard anyone in the mainstream media make bones about this area of the Trump Doctrine: "Take the oil."

That's it. Libya? Take the oil. Iraq? Take the oil. So simple, even a six-year old can figure it out. Invade a new sandbox and steal the kid's pail and shovel. Invade another country and take over their oil fields. Just like that. GENIUS!



If you can't stomach the 15 minute interview (but I suggest you try), here's another quote that can't be ignored: "I have great respect for Fox, I think they do a great job." Well no wonder Trump has not only boarded the crazy train but has become its conductor. He gets his news from Fox! Watching Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity is bound to eat at your brain cells like crystal meth.

This Guy Wants To Be President

For the last couple of weeks I've been watching the mainstream media give more and more time to the preposterous idea that Donald Trump is a legitimate contender for the Republican nomination for President. I couldn't turn on a cable news channel or broadcast news channel for that matter without seeing Trump's face demanding he be taken seriously while spouting debunked birther conspiracy theories whenever he opened his mouth. I would look at him and my first thought wasn't, "This guy would make a great president" so much as "I wonder what his hair looks like when he gets out of the shower." I don't think "Trump would be an awesome president." I think "A Trump presidency would be a national embarrassment."

And now we get to see how thin-skinned The Donald actually is courtesy of New York Times columnist Gail Collins. Last week, Collins decided to turn in a column deriding Trump for his headline grabbing ways, out-crazying the wingnut contenders by stealing the keys and taking a joyride in the Birther bandwagon. He insists on making his case with three year old debunked theories on the Kenyan-born, possibly Muslim, birth certificateless, Manchurian candidate President.  He's made his main talking point that this fake controversy is "the greatest scam in history." It doesn't matter that all these theories have been proven false. He's got people investigating and "they cannot believe what they’re finding." No details, of course, they just can't believe it. Maybe they can't believe their good fortune in being paid handsomely by Trump to investigate something that has been thoroughly exhausted; something that the Clinton campaign machine and the McCain campaign Edsel couldn't find. Something that can easily be Googled. Or maybe Orly Taitz is giving him legal advice while cleaning his teeth.

But the Collins opinion was just too much for Trump to bear, so he wrote a letter to the editor. A letter, that while insulting Collins for her "storytelling ability," sounds like it was written by a marginal high school student trying to sound smarter than he is. He then goes on to restate the whole birther nonsense, sticking to his guns, refusing to believe anyone or anything that proves the opposite.

Collins of course had to respond with a rebuttal today including other crazy shit Trump has said these last few weeks, like it was Bill Ayers who actually wrote "Dreams From My Father" or that people who went to school with Obama never saw him. She goes on to once again disprove the ridiculous statements, but no matter. At this point, Trump is all in and nothing anyone says can make him think any different. ...Maybe that's how he bankrupted his casinos.

But here's the thing: if a New York Times opinion columnist gets him so easily riled that he feels the need to write a letter, how is he going to react to the constant ridicule from primary challengers and media personnel during the campaign? You can see how upset he gets when someone disagrees with him, how emotional he becomes when he feels he's being interrupted (see the Meredith Vieira interview). How is he going to survive a year long campaign with that short hair trigger when Howard Dean was drummed out of the Democratic race in '04 for displaying his excitement after the Iowa primary results?

But I suppose Trump doesn't have to worry about that, because there's no way he'll run. There's no way he'll want to be viewed under a microscope with such scrutiny. This whole thing is a ratings ploy for his reality show, nothing more. And the fact that Republicans rate Trump second in a favorability poll combined with the antics of the fractured House majority being run by Tea Party freshmen reveals the sad state of the Republican party.

The Most Bizarre Interview Ever - UPDATED

I just watched Chuck Todd and Savannah Guthrie try to interview Donald Trump via telephone on MSNBC. I say it's a bizarre interview because the first question posed was, of course, why The Donald was fixated on the Birther conspiracy that President Obama should show us his birth certificate (he has) and that there's a good chance he wasn't born in the United States (he was).

Trump took offense that he wasn't being asked serious questions about China or the economy. Yeah, Trump blamed the media for bringing up an issue that he has been shouting from the rooftops for the last few weeks, since CPAC in fact, as unserious journalism.

Something akin to this:

Me: I'm running for president and Trump is not qualified because he fucks goats! Did you know that? Trump is a goat fucker. He hasn't proven he doesn't fuck goats. I find no records of Trump not being arrested for bestiality but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Why doesn't Trump just come out and tell us he doesn't fuck goats? Maybe it's because he's a goat fucker. He must be! Trump's a goat fucker. Trump's a goat fucker. Trump's a goat fucker.  

Trump.  

Goatfucker.  

Goatfuckergoatfuckergoatfuckergoatfuckergoatfucker.  

You: Why do you insist Trump is a goat fucker? 

Me: Hey, I'm running for president! Why don't you ask me serious questions? Why must you ask me about this goat fucking business, which by the way, I believe is true. Why is the media fixated on the goat fucking? ...Speaking of which, did you know Trump's a goat fucker? But don't ask me about that. Take me seriously!!!

I hope the video becomes available to post soon, because it was even more bizarre than that. Add to it the fact that Trump barely breathed during the phone interview, leaving Todd and Guthrie unable to counter, speechless and giggling in astonishment, and you have comedy gold.

UPDATE (1pm): Here's the video:

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