I Really Tried

I took a deep breath, grabbed my remote and tuned in to CNN last night to watch the latest Republican debate. Normally, when I flip these things on in passing (the GOP debates, I mean) it's just to make sure something miraculous hasn't happened and they started debating in truths rather than whatever fantasy world they live in. But alas, that moment never comes.

Well, while still not living in reality, this night had the makings of being different. After all, Rick Perry had bowed out just that morning and now the GOP Nomination Clown Car was down to four. Newt Gingrich's second ex-wife, Marianne, accused him of wanting an open marriage after he began an affair with his now third wife, Callista. And after two weeks of recounting Iowa caucus votes, we found out that Rick Santorum actually beat Mitt Romney, but since Iowa takes its voting so seriously and eight precincts worth of votes went missing, the recount will never be complete, so we'll never really know, will we?

I knew I was in for a long night when the first question out of the gate was directed at Newt and the open marriage accusation. And an angry, defiant Gingrich went after moderator John King for having the gall to ask such a question at the debate, blamed the media for attacking him and "protecting Barack Obama" and the crowd lapped it up and went along for the ride.

And I think that's what disgusted me most about this South Carolina debate - the audience was chomping at that red meat like there was no tomorrow. They were cheering Gingrich's "fuck you" attitude while simultaneously forgoing their Christian conservative selves in support of a thrice married, twice divorced, serial adulterer. Let alone the hootin' and hollerin' when Newt once again chose to go after welfare recipients (you know, because there are no white people on government assistance) to appease the blood thirsty crowd who'd left their torches and hoods at the coat check.

Somewhere along the line I felt my blood pressure rise and decided my health was more important than a futile exercise. I noticed the time was 8:36pm EDT, probably the longest I've sat through a GOP debate this season... and actually the first time I consciously tried. But to tell you the truth, besides the Newt opener and Santorum claiming victory in Iowa, the rest is a blur. It's hard to concentrate when you have blood boiling in your eyes.

Rick Perry Throws In the Towel

Texas Governor, GOP gaffe machine and Jethro Bodine doppelgänger Rick Perry is announcing he is dropping out of the race for the Republican nomination. Nothing like quitting while you're behind.

Reports say he will endorse Newt Gingrich.

Cain's Not That Conniving, He's Just Dumb

There's a theory going around that the only reason Herman Cain got into the presidential race is for the 15 minutes of fame, thereby selling more books and booking more paid speeches. But now that he's actually in the lead in the latest GOP presidential hopeful polls, he's realizing he doesn't want the most important job in the world and he's trying to sabotage himself with his most recent bizarre commercial.



I'm not buying it. I don't think Herman Cain is that smart. I think he's delusional enough to believe he really can be an effective President with his inane 9-9-9 "I have no idea" Plan and his foreign "Ubeki-beki-beki-stan-stan" policy. I think he and his campaign believe their pale smoking man/cheesy music/creepy grin commercial is a winner. The only thing Cain is sabotaging is the Republican Party. This isn't campaign self sabotage. He's just that dumb.

Christie Not Running

Chris Christie is having a press conference at 1pm to announce that he is not running for the Republican nomination for the presidential race. In other words, he's making news by announcing what he's been saying for the last twelve months.



Now let's give Christie a little credit. Even though sources say he was reconsidering his position after hearing the outcry of voters who aren't satisfied with any of the eight current nominees, he was smart enough to realize that even if he were ready to be president, he's nowhere near ready organizationally to run a national campaign.

The question will soon shift to who will the voters clamor for as their next flavor of the week?

Thaddeus McCotter Jumps In

Politico: Thaddeus McCotter will file paperwork to enter the 2012 presidential race on Friday, a McCotter adviser told POLITICO, allowing the Michigan congressman to kick off his long-shot bid on the first day of the new fundraising quarter.

What makes someone like McCotter think he even has a chance at getting close to the nomination? My prediction is that McCotter will have as much of a chance of winning the GOP nomination as I do.

And didn't he star in Poltergeist 2?

Bachmann's Chances

No chance.

That's what I told a colleague of mine when he came up to me and said this: "You're a level headed liberal like myself. Does Michele Bachmann really have a chance at winning the nomination?"

My friend was concerned about the talking heads and pundits going gaga over Bachmann after her first debate appearance. Let's call it the Sarah Palin Low Bar Syndrome. The problem with mainstream media is that instead of reporting the news and sticking with facts, they need to inject their opinion into everything. And after they witnessed Michele Bachmann's performance at last Monday's CNN New Hampshire debate (and considering some of the questions included, "American Idol or Dancing with The Stars?" or "Deep dish or thin crust?", I use the word "debate" loosely) the MSM gave her high marks because they didn't see her drooling, staring off into another camera or vomiting on herself. This of course, was after some of her more ridiculous comments earlier in the year like the Founding Fathers working tirelessly until they abolished slavery, or thinking Lexington and Concord were in New Hampshire and then trying to laugh it off with an Obama teleprompter joke.

They did the same with Sarah Palin in 2008 after the only Vice Presidential debate in which she stated she wasn't going to answer the questions posed of her, just blurt out any talking points she could remember (this was before the hand prompter) and occasionally wink at the camera. But Palin didn't soil her undies on camera, so she must have won the debate, right?

Now, I'll give Bachmann some credit. The smartest thing Bachmann did in the debate was steal the headlines by announcing her candidacy right then and there. And she's shown she's a little more than cunning. She's not dumb enough to use her Tea Party incendiary rhetoric on a national stage. She's not going to ask people to be armed and dangerous because of cap and trade. She's not going to outwardly ask for an investigation to see which members of Congress are "un-American." It doesn't suit her to let her wingnut freak flag fly when speaking to a larger audience. Doing it with some more isolated crowds will do the trick just fine. Especially when sprinkling in the veiled biblical verse here and there.

But that's the difference between Bachmann and Palin. Michele may say some crazy shit, but she knows when to tone it down to appeal to a larger contingent. Sarah takes a scorched earth approach and usually doubles down on the stupid.

Not to worry, though.  There is still another 17 months before the general election, plenty of time for the media microscope to start scrutinizing more carefully below the surface. That's also plenty of time in which I'm sure Bachmann will eventually slip and show the country how loony she actually is. Sure, she might win in Iowa where she's taking advantage of a large evangelical population and where nearly half of primary voters think President Obama was not born in the United States, but she'll most likely fade back after New Hampshire.